Requiem for a Garden

As most have read, The Giant has had a difficult time with the local fauna in his Suburbia backyard. Squirrels have been the major culprit, scampering about with their cute little tails and noses, frolicking, if you will, in the bounty provided by this glorious planet. We all know of their darker side, sinister rats with puffy tails, waiting to prey upon you and your family while you sleep, destroying all that every red-blooded American holds dear. Now they have a new conspirator: Bambi. He and his brethren skulk about in the night, doing unspeakable acts that squirrels can only dream of doing: eating corn stalks to the ground!

OK, this might be a little bit of a digression, and although I have strong, no, giant-sized opinions on game hunting, this blog is not about that. Its about trying to live with nature, no matter how she confounds me.

The garden, eventually ended up being a mere shadow of what I had envisioned. Here is a tally:

Lima Beans: 24 plants plated, number of beans: 0
(plats sprouted, never set fruit)

Corn: 8 stalks planted, number of ears: 0
(stalks mowed to the ground by clandestine deer just as the stalks had at least 2 growing ears each)

Summer squash: 8 vines planted, number of squash: 3
(5 vines crushed as stealthy cloven-hooves dine on corn, 2 vines set fruit yielding 4 six-inch long fruits, 1 disappears, possibly stolen by joint deer/squirrel task force)

Sunflowers: 8 stalks planted, number of flowers: 0
(6 seeds dug out of the ground by squirrels, 2 sprout but then disappear, deer/squirrel brigade suspected)

Tomatoes: numerous plants planted, number of fruits: 0
(4 fruits set, Giant waits with baited breath as they grow almost to picking, tomatoes disappear off vines. Again, deer/squirrels suspected)

Pumpkins: 8 vines planted, number of fruits: 1
(7 crushed during Odocoileus virginianus raid. The 1 remaining vine sets 1 fruit, which the Giant guards with the passion of an expectant father. the fruit is gnawed on shortly after turning orange, the Giant harvests early to save what he could. The sole battle scarred orb sits alongside large commercially grown Jack-o-lanterns during Samhain. Days later develops mold, retired to new garden location to return to Gaia.)

All in all, not a very good crop. Thankfully I don't have to feed my family with it. I'm moving the garden to a new spot on the north side of my house. Ironically, during the summer months it gets the most light when the sun is high in the sky for most of the day. So far, the perimeter is set out in a rectangle with dirt and bricks recovered for the construction of the screened-in porch. I will also be surrounding the perimeter with 5 foot chicken wire fencing to deter Bambi's Brigade (which my wife saw wandering around the hood only last week). And obtaining rain barrels to save water to provide for the garden daily. Next years crop will also have its more tasty members grown in the screened-in porch to start. I am determined to get the sunflowers going.

Crops planned for next year:
Corn: Again, Bambi's Brigade be dammed
Sunflowers: ibid
Tomatoes: in secondary cages to further dissuade Squirrel Squadron
Pumpkins: in the same spot as the old garden. I think they had a shot, just needed at least 25 feet of vine before setting fruit. With no other tasty morsels in the area, the Bambi's Brigade should leave them alone
Potatoes: Hopefully Squirrel Squadron wont find them underground.
Chili Peppers: Capsaicin baby! Squirrels apparently hate it
Cucumbers: Yes a new one, neighbors have great success with theirs, hopefully I can share more wealth.

Battle plans are being draw. Thank you old garden, I mourn your passing and look froward to your rebirth.